An Omen? Mom remembers 48 years ago..

It rained heavily this afternoon and the thunder was so scary! Whenever it cracked, the house reverberated! In once instance, I could have sworn the thunder exploded right above our house. I hate thunder... I turn into a wuss whenever there is thunder..

Having nothing better to do and to distract myself from the 'mayhem', I sat down with my mother. Then my mom started reminiscing. She told me to close the front doors. She said, "In the old days, the old folks say you must close the door whenever there is thunder. They say the thunder could come into the house in a ball of lightning. Betul bah tu. Old folks swore that it happened before and the house was burned down. Luckily the occupants escaped in time!"

It's When You're Down that you need Him most in your Corner

Before you proceed, I'm doing the courtesy of telling you in advance that I'm going to talk about my faith. I'm a Catholic, so if you have any aversion to me talking about my faith, well you can skip this post.

God forbid, I don't want to be accused of proselytizing in the internet. Psst! Don't tell anyone but I'm not even interested in converting anyone to my religion. You know why? Because I think my position in the big BOSS' book up there, is kinda iffy as it is. I heard newly converts are more faithful than the born Catholics like me, in general lah. So that's why I don't talk or spread my religion to non-Catholics. I sure the hell don't want to introduce the religion to some Non-Catholics, who would turn out to be better than me thus diminishing further my position in the BOSS' book just because he/she is a better Catholic than I am. I'm not saying that only through Catholism can one enter paradize. :P No! No! I haven't died yet, so I wouldn't know. Like the bigger than life late Datuk Peter J. Mojuntin once said(someone quoted this to me), there is more than one way to 'syurga'.

Last night I was the Ketua Kampung

Wow! Last night was so surreal to me! I'm kinda having that "maybe it was not necessary for me to get involved" moment right now. Haiz....

Around 9 to 10pm last night, our dogs and my neighbour's dogs were barking incessantly. At first I paid no attention to it as I was writing my latest post for this blog which is now saved as draft, by the way but then I got curious when the barking wouldn't stop. So I went to the window and looked out, my eyes scanning through the darkness to see whether I could pick up anything. I saw my neighbour's wife standing at their verandah, also looking at the darkness. I looked for my neighbour's Storm (Mitsubishi 4x4 wheel drive) and it was not there, suggesting that his wife and his kids were on their own. The wife was talking on her handphone and from her tone, she sounded concerned. Hmmm.. I got curious even more. This was apparently no normal barking, not some animal like skunks or pangolins that the dogs saw. 

Post kasih lepas Girigitan

Warning, post may contain inappropriate words and may be unsettling for some people. Read at your own risk. 

By clicking, more at the bottom, you are irrefutably confirming that you are above 18 years of age and waive any legal recourse towards the author should the contain of this post cause you mental distress, anxiety and whatever mental condition there is.    

Perasan - Femoos konon :P

Few days ago Borneo Colours contacted me via my Facebook account and said that they wanted to feature me and asked whether I was okay with it. I was of course, pleasantly surprised and happily agreed to it. 

So today my face is plastered on their website as a featured blogger :P. Click here Perasan to read my interview :P. The reason I'm posting this here is partly because I'm vain but for the most part, I just want to say that I'm humbled by the appreciation. My blog is nothing to hoot about, I'm a newcomer to blogsphere and there are tons of better blogs out there who have thousands of hits. Mine, baru 15,000 :P. 

I'm just happy that there are people who actually appreciate the stuff that I write and actually recommend my blog to their readers. To these folks, I thank you for your generous endorsement.

Among the few that I "noticed" to have referred my blog:

Bubut on Tumblr 

Bubut on Facebook

Si Bei Song ah! hehehe

Now if only my Nuffnang commission starts moving. It has been at RM1.25 since 3 months ago :(. 

Tongue Tie Condition ; To intervene now or later?

My wife just messaged me and the message totally ruined my day. She said my son called her at her office from the school yesterday and complained that he had a headache. So she brought him to see our family doctor. While there, the doctor noted that Elijah couldn't extend his tongue out fully like normal people could! 

The lady doctor suggested that my wife bring him to see a specialist at KK Hospital's ENT(Ear Nose and Throat) and see whether they could "release" Elijah's tongue. She said because of Elijah's condition, he might not be able to pronounce certain words correctly. 

It's premature to assume that Elijah indeed has the condition which is also called Ankyloglossia because we haven't yet got a specialist to look at him and confirm the existence of the condition in him. However, I'm not that thrilled at the prospect of having my child under the knife the second time of his young life. 

He had his throat cut (to remove a growth) when he was about three and when he was about four, he had to have a few stitches on his left eye brow when he fell and knocked his head on the edge of a table. It was traumatic both for him and I. Two hospital orderlies, myself and my elder brother had to pinned him down on the table at the emergency room while a medical officer injected local anesthesia. 

My son screamed and cried and I had to put up a front of calm so as to assure him that everything was going to be fine when in truth, inside I was about to give in to my natural paternal instinct and I was about to lose it. I asked the medical officer in a not so patient voice, "Must you stick that needle to his open wound? Is it necessary to give him that many shots? I think he is in PAIN!". 

A funny Argument with Grandpa

When I was younger, I was never one to back-down or give in to anyone without a logical or valid reasoning. This characteristic of mine had got me into many arguments and troubles with the adults. Adults those days subscribed to the idea that children do not have rights, children are suppose to just follow what the adults say and children have no right to question their wisdom. Unfortunately for them, question them I did. 

I am the second child in a sibling of three, so you can imagine I was always the one who gets the shorter end of the stick. I was suppose to give way to my elder brother because he was older and I was suppose to give way to my younger sister because she was younger. 

My mom these days like to tell people how stubborn I was when I was young, it's her favorite story to embarrass me. Her favorite line is, "If I tell him not to do something, you can be sure that he would do exactly the thing that I told him not to do!". Then she would proudly say that my son's character is exactly like mine. This actually is not meant to embarrass me, she's pretty proud of my son and she somehow is proud that a part of me is alive in my son. Well of course my son has my character, I'm his dad after all. 

I had the following conversation with my grandfather, I went through a phase where I rebelled and questioned the authority of the adults in my live and apparently, my mom asked my grandfather to have a word with me. Let me qualify that I'm not proud that I hurt my grandfather's feeling if I did but on hindsight, it was a funny conversation and it reveal my thought process then. So this was how the conversation went to the best of my recollection(it's a very short conversation): 

Grandpa : "Justin, I heard you always fight with your mom. You shouldn't do that. Children must always listen to their parents bah"

Me : "I know Grandpa but she is always not fair to me. She told me to give in to so and so with this logic but when I apply the same logic for my own situation, she said no. It's not fair! It doesn't make sense!"

Grandpa : "Don't argue! Just listen to your mother. Aren't you afraid? If you defy your mother, you will "Ketulahan" (retribution) bah! One day your children will do the same thing to you!" 

Me : "So does that mean mom is getting her retribution?"

Grandpa : "What do you mean?"

Me : "Well you said if I don't listen to my mother, my children will do the same thing to me. It stands to reason that my mother must had defied you when she was young, therefore, I am her retribution!" 

Grandpa : "No! No! Your mother was an obedient child. She never went against my wishes"

My grandfather ended the conversation there, perhaps knowing that I have checkmated him hehehe..     

As to my son, yes, he has a mind of his own and I nurture that. Whenever he did wrong, I reason with him. Whenever he is afraid to do something, I tell him that I will catch him if he falls. When I did him wrong, I apologize to him. There is no shouting, name calling or shaming anyone in my home when someone did something wrong, a home is a sanctuary. I want it to be the first destination my son think of whenever he is in trouble or has a problem. I aim to nurture and not to break the spirit. 

I love you Elijah! By the way, I chose that name for you when I was in my late teen. I've been expecting you!  

Granpa's World War II Experience

Been meaning to blog this; wanted to share this, especially to my family members who might not know this side of my late maternal grandfather's experience.

As far as I know, hitherto, I'm the only one in the family who knows this story. When asked, even my mom  conceded that my grandfather did not tell her this story.

I can't remember the exact details of the story as it was told to me more than 20 years ago and I was struggling to follow the story as my grandfather was reminiscing to himself more than he was 'telling' the story to me! He would pause and revisit earlier part of the story to add additional details which only confused me more. However, I do remember the gist of it. 

One afternoon, more than 20 years ago, my grandfather beckoned me to his side. He was resting on a reclining chair in the main living room of his home at Kampung Takuli. I remembered that we were the only two at home then. He told me to get a chair and sit next to him. I obediently did as I was told. 

The Apple of my Eye's BIRTHDAY!

My son, Elijah, turned 7 on 30 March 2011! I had planned to go back to Singapore to celebrate his birthday with him but was unable to at the last minute because I had to finish replanting my chillis :(. 

My all grown up and too old for Daddy to kiss me son

My wife called me on March 1st and told me that when she asked Jaja (that's what we call him) what he had wanted for his birthday, he said all he wanted was a birthday card and my wife told me to send him one. I must admit that since he was a baby, my wife and I (especially me) have been pampering him with expensive toys! I know it's bad but he's our only son, what can you do? :P 

I remember one early morning when my wife was bathing him, he was like 2.5 year old then, I sneaked out of our home and went to Compass Point, a shopping mall near where we lived. I waited for Kiddy Palace to open and then the minute they did, I made my way to where they displayed their battery powered motorized kid size cars and bought one for about SGD400/-. 

Just some pictures I've taken over the years

Elijah, wife and me in China April 2007

Ok, my son's 7th birthday is on 30 March and I can't be with him. I MISSSSSS HIM SOOOOO MUCH! So I've been going through his pictures stored in my hard drive and I came across these pictures of us taken when we're vacationing in China in 2007. Kinda forgotten about it, might as well share it here than let them go forgotten.

L to R : Father in-law, Father in-law's paternal uncle, his Paternal Uncle's wife, Mother in-law and my wife

The Peter Tananak Clan

I attended the clan gathering of my Dusun side recently on 20 November 2010 at Kampung Kabunau, Kuala Penyu. It is an annual gathering started by the Kimsin branch of our clan. The annual gathering is a way for us to rekindle and strengthen relations among the descendants of my great Grandparents, Peter Tananak & Monica Sanandu. This year, the honor to host the gathering fell to the Emok branch of the family.

I had the pleasure of having interacted with my great grandpa. He outlived my father in fact. My dad passed away on 19 December 1977 at the age of 39 and my great grandpa passed away on 22 November 1981 at the age of 103.

Most of the interaction I had with my great grandpa occurred at my late grandpa James Sunam's home at Kampung Takuli, Beaufort. I think I was no more than 10 years old then. Those days there was no electricity at my grandpa James Sunam's home. At dusk, my grandpa James Sunam would 'crank up' the Hurricane Lamp and there was no TV at night. So you could have guessed by now that I was not very big on staying overnight at my granpa's home.

On hindsight, I think I know why my maternal auntie Margaret Sunam tricked me and my younger sister into tagging along with her to my grandpa's home on one particular day. She enticed us to follow her to my grandpa's home and promised that we would not be staying overnight. I think they had wanted us to meet our great grandpa and resorted to trickery to get us going.

I remember that night I was throwing tantrum because I wanted to go home. It was dark, no TV and I was miserable. The adults made excuses as to why they could not send us home that night. I remember my grandpa called me to his side and I complied. Sitting next to him was a familiar old face, I had seen him before. My grandpa told me that the old man was my 'Datuk'. Still sulking, I acknowledged half heartedly. I was young and did not know the significance of the moment. How could I? The concept that my grandpa has a father was not apparent to me. I thought my Datuk was just another old men, a friend to my grandpa.

I remember that my grandpa was very (I mean VERY) respectful to my Datuk, almost to the extend of reverence. That night, my grandpa tried to prod me into having a longer conversation with my Datuk. I remember it did not last very long because soon I lost interest; I did not have any interest to begin with on account that I was upset at being tricked into staying overnight. I might even had been rude to my Datuk but he just brushed aside my attitude with a sagely smile. There is this vivid scene etched in my head, of him staring at me affectionately. His face was all wrinkly but I remember his eyes were very alive and alert. So there we were, my grandpa trying to make me talk and the surrounding was aglow in yellow hue from the candle light. Datuk spoke to me in Hakka but I cannot remember what he said to me. Anyhow, my Hakka was not really good anyway.

The next time I would see Datuk again, was at his home at Kiambor. By that time, he was bed ridden and frail. When he passed away, I was not brought along to his funeral.

I always thought that my siblings and I are second generation Chinese on the Chinese side of the family. Am I confusing you? Sorry, I have trouble putting my train of thoughts in proper order. Let me explain, my father was a Chinese Hakka, he was borned in Sandakan. His parents came from China. Hence, my father and his siblings would be the first generation Chinese Sabahans. My father married my mother (of course, Captain obvious) whom is a Dusun. So my siblings and I are Sino-Kadazan (The National Registration Department would of course say there is no such thing but I beg to differ, check Article 161A (6)(B) of the Malaysian Constitution which says that a person who either has one parent or grandparent whom are a native of Sabah, shall be considered as a native him/herself).

Apparently, my mother was not her family's first trailblazers in marrying someone of different race! My Datuk himself was either a Sino-Kadazan or full fledged Chinese! Why I cannot for certain say what his actual race is because we do not have the details of his mother. None at all! But we know who his father was.

Thanks to gatherings like our annual clan gathering, the older generations of our family could share their knowledge of our clan history. This is what I gleaned so far:

Never Quit

The past 2 years, especially, have been tough! From a cushy job and air-conditioned building, I went to doing practically manual labour, under the hot sun no less sometime or most of the time. Being away from my wife and son is not helping either.

I keep getting the same question from friends and relatives, "Why don't you go back? You had a nice job?". Often asked with either a tone of pity or incredulity. Most of the time, I just give polite replies. However, silently, their reactions only bolster my resolve. To me, their reaction is a challenge to my ability and like any other challenges I have come across through the years, I will prove them wrong!

You see, about 3 years ago, I packed and left my wife and son in a metropolitan city and came back to Sabah. I had a dream, I wanted to give them a better live. I promised them it wouldn't be long before I invite them to join me. 

Well, in short, I encountered minor setbacks or some might say major ones depending on whether you look at the glass as half empty or half full. My endeavour proved to be tougher than I thought. Lack of funds make my 'project' even tougher to start. That is the first lesson I learned! If you have enough money, you can move mountains and don't have to break a sweat. Unfortunately for me, I don't have enough funding.

So what did I do? Improvised! I make do with what I have, I worked around the problem. Slower start but I will eventually get to where I want. I get my hands dirty and learn how to handle tools like handsaw, hammer and swinging the machette. It is a 360 degree about turn for me. I went from pencil pushing and computer in air conditioned office to manual labour with the open air under scorching hot sun as my office. 

I would be lying if I say that there were no moments when I felt like giving up while toiling under the hot sun but I hardened myself and refused to indulge in self pity. I started something and I promised my wife and son, and I will finish it even if I have to crawl and claw my way there, so help me God! Having said this, you see?! The past few years were not a total loss. It is character building! 

If my business do take off! I will be ready for success because now I appreciate the virtue of discipline and being committed.

3 years ago, I wouldn't have this kind of determination in doing things. When things are rough and you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel, just fight on. Keep on moving, one step at a time. This is not the first time I am in a significant juncture in my live. It happened once when I was in my 20s, I survived it and folks at home would think that I had an above average kinda successful live. After all, I left with only RM300/- in my pocket for a metropolitan city and armed only with an O level. No skills at all! Never even touched a computer before but I adapted. I rose through rank and file, married a wife there and has a son, owned a property.       

Now I am at another cross road and another challenge, I will persevere and see where this road leads me to.

The following is my favourite poem, 

Don't Quit - by Unknown author

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high;
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are;
It may be near when it seems afar.
So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.

What happened to living your advices?

When I was young, my elders lectured and emphasised the following:

1)      The importance of punctuality – Get to school on time, don’t make people wait for you (especially if they were adults),  the early bird gets the worm etc..

2)      The importance of finishing what you start – Don’t do things halfway, must be disciplined, if you always gives up half way, you’ll never be successful in live,

3)       Don’t daydream like Mat Jenin – Mat Jenin is a character who always have lofty dreams of making it rich but ends up screwing himself in the end because of his stupidity and complacency.  So I was discouraged from day dreaming and to put words into action. I don’t know how many times I was told not to be complacent that it became annoying because it came to a point when I think I was actually accused or was actually complacent. What was meant (the action) to be an encouragement and warning to me not to take the path of Mat Jenin actually became counter-productive because the way my elders were imparting their wisdom was wrong.

4)      Don’t waster your time doing nothing – Sitting around doing nothing is discouraged. I must always engaged myself in productive activities.

Quality time with family in dream

I chatted with my 6 year old son and wife via Yahoo! Messenger last night. My son initiated the chat, he called my home in Sabah and told me to go online and have a video conference.

He doesn't do that often(asked me to chat online), so I was pleasantly surprised. Boy, he has grown to a handsome young man and he is quite assertive these days. He said, "I love you but I don't like Sabah! You come back to Singapore or stay in Sabah?!". How to convince a young boy that sacrifices needed to be made.

We ended the chat early as it was a school night. The chat did nothing to satisfy my pang to be with my family, if anything, it only made me miss my son more.

I went to sleep and I dreamt the most beautiful dream I ever had. I can only say it was a gift from God, it is so just what I needed last night. In my dream, I enter my bedroom and there waiting for me were my wife and son! :D. I was surprise and I thought to myself(in my dream of course), "This could not be happening. They're here!". My wife was preparing the bed but there was only one single bed, so my wife put a mattress on the floor for herself. Then she asked my son whether he wanted to sleep with daddy like last time and he said yes and promptly climbed up into my bed. All this while, I was just standing there and looking at them with astonishment. The first thing that came to mind was I wanted to hug my son, I haven't hugged him for, as far as I'm concerned, too long a time. I got into bed and told my son to give me a hug and he did. It was so real and vivid! You know how they say a human touch can heal the soul, we're human, we're sociable, touching is a way of communicating what words cannot say. I swear I could feel him! Oh! I held him tightly.

Needless to say, this morning, I woke up feeling chirpy. Now I know the true extend of all those mushy mushy poems and songs about meeting someone in their dreams or dreams that quenches the yearning of the heart. Thank you God. You were smiling at me last night. This beauty I give thanks and credit to you.

Recurring Dream

I keep having this recurring dream, as far as I can remember, the same 'plot'. Different car and different people but always the same story.

In it, I'm driving, I put the gear to reverse, so I reverse the car, then the speed would get out of control. I would step on the brake repeatedly but it would not stop. Then I would shift the gear to first gear and hit the pedal to the floor but the car would still be reversing. As the car is reversing out of control, I would hit things and I try my best to avoid them. Then I either wake up or I move on to another dream!

It's not a scary dream but it's annoying. The sense of helplessness is annoying.

Last night I had the dream again, only this time, I'm driving my brand new Proton Saga. So today, to 'take revenge', I bought my car's registration number :P. One straight and one backward since the dream is always about me reversing out of control.

Can't wait for the lottery result to come out this evening hahaha

Extremism is a sneaky bastard..

My philosophy in live is simple, it's a 10 letter word but it covers a wide range of areas of my live. I applied it in my academic pursue, in my learning new skills, in my interaction with people, in problem solving, in my relationships, in the upbringing of my son and many more but I think I covered the fundamental areas already.

What is it? UNDERSTAND. Ok, maybe it should be UNDERSTANDING but that would be more than 10 letters.

It's a mental tool that we all have but most of us do not use it. Like the saying, "easier to hate than to understand". Ever since I was young, I always questioned, questioned, questioned and I always did the opposite of what people tell me to do (even in adulthood, some friends remarked that I have this habit of going against the flow) and I don't accept facts at face value. Once, in my early teen, my mom got my late maternal Grandfather to have a talk with me because she said I don't listen to her. My Grandfather admonished me for being 'naughty' and warned me if I still persisted, Karma would come back and bite me.

The late Anthonia Sunam – What happened…

Many friends and relatives have been asking the circumstances surrounding my late aunt’s sudden passing. Amongst the questions were whether she had been sick and whether she died of cancer.

My aunt had been asthmatic since she was a young girl. It was a condition that she had learned to cope with and lived with throughout her life. Because of her condition, she was not a physically active person. She regularly consulted with her physician and took medicines to manage the condition and she always had an inhaler with her.

Despite her condition, she did not let it became an excuse for her not to live her life to the fullest. She lived in Illinois for three years when she was in her 30’s (that was in the 80’s). She was pursuing her degree in The University of Illinois. Despite her condition, the winter in Illinois was not a problem to her, I recalled she had a picture taken of her out in the open and the surrounding was white with snow.

The late Anthonia Sunam

BORN : 13 JUNE 1947 DEPARTED : 1 MAY 2010
I am blogging this because my aunt Maggie and mom have been inundated with queries from friends and relatives concerning my late Aunty Toni. Their concerns are very much appreciated but I think both my mom and aunty Maggie are worn out from the events of the past few days. Hence, this is my way of alleviating their burden and also help to give some ‘closure’ to my late Aunty Toni’s friends and our relatives.


5 May 2010


We buried her today at Kampung Takuli burial communal burial ground in Beaufort. She is laid to rest side by side with her parents and brother;she is in good company.


Our convoy, departed from Fook Lu Siew Funeral Parlour(FLS) at Mile 2 1/2 Tuaran Road, Kota Kinabalu for Beaufort at 8am with a police escort up to Putatan. I had to mention the police escort because we appreciate the kind service, not exclusive to us I am sure but still, very much appreciated. FLS provided the transportation.


Aunty Toni’s remain reached St Valentine’s Church in Beaufort at about 10am as planned. Datuk Bishop Cornelius Piong, a relative(my late aunty’s family rank is aunty to him) within our Tanana Clan, had set aside some time from his busy schedule to say mass. I am sure he volunteered because of clan solidarity(we are tight knit) and love for my late aunt but still, on behalf of the Sunam branch of the Tanana Clan, we are thankful for his kind gesture.


After the mass, our convoy left the church compound for Kampung Takuli where the Sunam family has sunk root, call it their home and are accepted by the Kampung folks as one of their own. My late maternal Grandfather, James Sunam, was the de facto Catholic leader in the Kampung.


When we reached the burial ground, I was amazed to see that there were already at least 30 vehicles lined up on both sides of the road shoulders ahead of our convoy waiting for our arrival. 

These were friends and relatives from Kota Kinabalu, Kuala Penyu, Beaufort, Sipitang, other parts of the state and of course, the good folks of Kampung Takuli, who came to honour the memory of my late aunty.   


The good Bishop again presided over the burial ceremony. It was a hot afternoon but a good weather to say good bye to our dear Toni (aunty to me :) ) and inter her back to earth. I was touched that the good Kampung folks helped dug her grave, free of charge mind you and they did it without complaining;a communal activity.

After the burial, we had lunch under the hot sun because some Kampung folks said that it was taboo for us to hold the luncheon at our ‘ancestral’ home which is less than 5 minutes walk away. It was not what we had instructed and caused discomfort amongst the elderlies of our guests but we did not want to belittle or hurt the feelings of our kind Kampung folks.Hence, we obliged to the ‘adat’/taboo.


I also want to add that the luncheon fare was prepared by our Kampung folks albeit expenses reimbursed by our family. Still, we appreciate their contribution.


Worth Mentioning


In Sabah, lives 1Malaysia. Although I was not surprised but still the gesture touched me.
Our Muslim relatives came to pay their respect, that’s normal but to see them observing mass and being inside the four walls of the church and silently observing the mass as it proceeded, it touched me.

The fact that they were relatives of ours still do not diminish my awe. They comforted my aunty Maggie and my mom. They gave the customary both side hug and kiss for both of my mom and aunty Maggie and I was surprised that the latter knew how to respond :). Both sides were in their environment like fish to water.


5 May 2010 – 9:11pm


We just finished praying rosary for my late Aunty Toni. Church members from around our Kampung i.e. Kampung Jimpangah, came to accompany our family to observe the customary seven day vigil. Tonight is considered the 5th night, on the 7th night, according to Dusun belief, my late Aunty Toni will come home and visit us.

Will update you more later.

Technorati Tags: Anthony Sunam,Dusun Culture,1Malaysia

Serenity Prayer

God,

Grant me the serenity;

To accept the things I cannot change;

The courage, to change the things I can;

And the wisdom, to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

As it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

If I surrender to His Will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with Him

Forever and ever in the next.